Based on my research, one of the industries that is most reviled in our lives is Cable. Ask most folks what they think of their cable company and the answers range from non-pulsed (rarely) to extreme loathing (all too often).
Today, being a Monday, I woke up ready to attack the day. I had a laundry list of things I knew could be accomplished. They ranged from installing a new Logitech QuickCam 9000 to accumulating names and numbers for business development outreach during the balance of the week.
The morning got off to a fast start and by 10:00 am I was cooking, with two separate computers whirling away. ‘It is going to be a very productive day’, I thought.
That mild euphoria lasted until about 10:20 am when the slow internet connection revealed itself quickly to actually be failed cable service – both TV and internet were down.
Ever the resourceful entrepreneur, I knew this brief interlude would be a great time to run to the hardware store for mouse traps (don’t ask!).
On the way home I spied three trucks on a neighboring street, one with a ginormous spool of cable.
Given my amazing grasp of the obvious I thought ‘Why not get the skinny on the outage from the front line cable soldiers?’
After whipping the car around, I asked the most supervisorial among them when the service would be back up. “Oh, they are upgrading the lines and services should be back in an hour to hour and a half”, he said.
Just so we are operating on the same sundial, that conversation took place five hours ago.
Since I was effectively put out of work for the day, or as long as the outage lasts, I knew that calling Time Warner Cable (TW) customer service would lift my spirits, and getting a credit on my account would have those spirits soaring.
Me, aka Calm Controlled Ticked-off Customer (CCTC): I understand that TW is upgrading in my area and service is down. I would like a credit for the length of the outage.
Always Helpful Service Rep (AHSR): Who told you that we were upgrading?
CCTC: The workers down the street.
AHSR: Oh. (really long pause) I see it now. It does not have a time when service will be restored. It says TBD.
CCTC: You know Mr. AHSR it would be nice if TW would let me know when they are going to take the service down for an extended period of time.
AHSR: It should have been printed in your bill. It would have given you 30 day notice of the outage.
CCTC: I have auto pay so I really ignore my bill – convenient, just like the promo to start the auto pay service TW suggested. TW does have my phone number though, which you verify three times on every single call to service. In addition you have my email address. Now, if the telemarketers that want to sell me water purification systems, credit card consolidation, and their candidate of choice know how to find me why is it that the company I do business with cannot find a way to contact me?
AHSR: I understand your frustration sir.
CCTC: And to add insult to injury I run a home based business. What this means is that no cable means no internet, means no email, means no client data – you get the picture Sparky? (I didn’t say the last Sparky part but I was thinking it!)
And then the AHSR says: How long does it take to start a home based business?
CCTC: What?
AHSR: I’ve been thinking about starting a home based business.
CCTC (still under control): Well it depends on the business. That said, take whatever timeline you have in mind and pad it if you use Time Warner Cable as this is the 2nd outage in 45 days.
AHCR: How much compensation for the outage were you looking for?
CCTC: Well I charge $xxx per hour for consulting and you are not able to tell me when the service will be up. You do the math.
____________________________________________
Dear Time Warner Cable,
In your pursuit of extraordinary customer service I am sure you have invested millions in phone training for your representatives. As evidence, your reps generally speak all of the same lines, read or memorized, off of the same scripts. They do their best to deflect and defend the less than stellar product you produce.
A few insights:
I do not care that your AHSR is thinking about starting a business when mine is not operating. Relationship building will not be the outcome of this line of questioning from your AHSR.
You have the luxury of a live connection into my life. You have software on my computer to diagnose problems with Roadrunner. You have my four email addresses using that service. You possess my phone number, social security number, drivers license number and – I’m guessing – my blood type. Yet with all of that information, and with connectivity to me that other service providers would kill for, you are unable to communicate something as basic as a planned outage in any other manner than on a bill, 30 days in advance.
If I wasn’t so concerned about the mice in the attic (don’t ask!) eating through the newly installed wires from Direct TV I would drop your marginal product quicker than you could say “home based business”.
Signed,
CCTC
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
That was fun reading !!
I’m going to use your post above as a template for any future calls I make to Comcrap cable.
@ryan
visit Twitter and find @comcastcares